Marriage

This is my 2nd post today. I must be really free and bored. Just thought I'd share some funny quotes for your amusement.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste
-David Bissonette-

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her
-Sacha Guitry-

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together
-Hemant Joshi-

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
-Socrates-

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them
-Dumas-

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
-Sigmund Freud-

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me
-Anonymous-

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
-Henny Youngman-

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
-Sam Kinison-

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-James Holt McGavran-

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
-Patrick Murray-

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up
-Nash-

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Anonymous-

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to
-Henny Youngman-

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met
-Rodney Dangerfield-

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong
-Milton Berle-

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy
-Anonymous-

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-Anonymous-

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Source: An email from a friend

Note: I've been married for 363 days and could not have been happier. This was 1 year ago.